As life goes on...

Such as life in Pennsylvania, we are expecting a snow storm. Yes, I said a snow storm in the middle of October! I'm really not ready for this. I don't like the snow and ice and cold to begin with but to get it in the middle of October? BUT, we haven't really had any seasons all year. We went from frigid cold to really cold to cold back to really cold and now its going to be frigid cold again. Summer came and went without a lot of hot weather and fall was here and gone. Now we are in winter. Sigh...

On a lighter note, I guess that means I really need to batten down the hatches and get this place in tip top shape for the holidays that are right around the corner. We have a layaway at Kmart so our Christmas shopping is started and Shawn just got a raise!

On the mothering front, I'm worried about my oldest. He's having issues in school again. We dealt with the same types of issues last year during pre-school and I thought it was just because he was in a class of 3 year olds but he's acting up again and he's in a class of children his own age. I'm really beginning to worry about ADD/ADHD. I'm in no way saying that I want him medicated but I do want to get him some sort of help. I don't want him to just slide through life like this and be known as the bad kid. I mean, let's face it, teachers talk. They have a trouble student and it gets passed on to the teachers in the next grade and the poor kid isn't even given a chance! Ever here the saying, lies can be percieved as truth if told enough? Yeah, that's my thoughts. If you tell a good kid that he's bad or automatically treat him like he's a bad child then he will continue to do so because that's what's expected of him. My son is not a bad child and I don't want him to be wrongly judged. Now do I take the chance of him being judged because of the label of ADD or ADHD, yes I do. BUT, if he's being treated wrongly, unfairly, or unjust then I have fuel against the person and trust me I will fight that fire. I also, want him to learn coping skills and how to harbor his talents. I mean look at Ty Pennington, he has ADD and is EXTREMELY successful! I also would like some tips for myself in how to deal with a child that has ADD/ADHD. He's so intelligent and is not having trouble with his school work, he's just having impulse control issues. We will see.

Well, my husband has officially taken over the finances and honestly I couldn't feel better about it. It's so nice not having to worry about it and constantly checking the bank account and worrying about this bill and that bill. It's no longer my responsibility. I only have to worry about getting good deals to make sure our dollar gets stretched to the last penny. I've had some pretty awesome deals lately especially at Rite Aid getting back almost everything I have put out if not actually MAKING money on the deals! Now you can't beat that! I now have a small budget to deal with instead of a large one. Makes my life so much easier and stress-free. Ok so not totally stress free but its a start!

My Baby turned 6 today.

Well my baby turned 6 today. My where did the time go!? It feels like only yesterday I was in labor with him and holding him in my arms for the first time! He was such a helpless little being in need of some tender loving care and today he is such an independent little man. We celebrated his birthday with a soccer cake that I made completely from scratch including the icing. He was so excited to get the soccer cake and he absolutely loved it. I personally think that I could have made a better soccer ball but it was trial and error today so next time I'll be better prepared with better cake decorating tips.

On this day every year I sit back and think about what I was doing at the time that I was pregnant with him and I reminisce about the day I went into labor with him. The morning was like any other, I got up for the umpteenth time to pee and when I came back to bed and JUST got comfortable my water broke all over the bed. My then boyfriend (now husband of almost 5 years) jumped up out of bed faster than I've ever seen him get out of bed and started to run around like a chicken with his head cut off. My contractions didn't start until well after being at the hospital and worsened once they started the Pitocin. I had all kinds of family around me during the whole thing and the Steelers game on the TV. My father showed up much later as he didn't want to sit at the hospital for hours and 45 minutes after he showed up Zaine made his arrival. After everyone had their visits with the newest addition to the family, Shawn decided to propose. The funniest thing about the whole thing was at the time, I was holding Zaine trying to eat a very cold supper (they wouldn't let me eat while in labor) and my water was sitting too far from me. I asked Shawn to hand me my water and all he kept saying was "In a minute". After the third time of me, now at this point, demanding my water, he sat on the bed and proceeded to ask me to marry him. I, of course, said yes and well now the rest is history.

Why tell this story? Because at this point in my life, I was in complete turmoil and this milestone of having a baby and getting engaged all in the same night made me realize that my life was finally beginning. The family I had always wanted was beginning to take form. Now 6 years later I celebrate one of the BEST nights of my life and I love watching him grow into a man, the man I know he can be. God has given me the best job in the world and it all started with my first baby. My little Zaine.

My life as a soccer mom and housewife

So over the past few days I've been on a mission. To save my family even more money and to keep a clean home. I've also been on the mission to make sure when my husband gets home that the house is spotless and I have a cold drink waiting for him when he walks through the door. Heck, even the other night he said he was hungry for popcorn so when he got home guess what was hot in the microwave. It's been a while since I've seen a smile of appreciation like that on my husbands face. I've been slowly following the FW principles and slowly but surely I've noticed a wonderful change in my husband. He's happier now than I think he's ever been and on really good days my children cooperate.

I'm getting better at getting up in the morning and getting dressed instead of lounging in my PJ's until Lord knows when. Which surprisingly so, I feel a lot better and ready for my day when I'm ready to attack it. I don't spend the time anymore an hour before I need to leave "getting ready". I'm not running late anymore because I'm ready for my day. It's amazing what some clothes and make up will do to a girl!

On the money front, I've saved loads of money this month. My total food bill after rebates is under $100! That's pretty incredible if you ask me! I've been doing a stockpile for about 2 months now and its amazing how much money I've saved just by doing that! I still have a stock pile and will continue to contribute to it when its possible and I find rock bottom deals. I've even been able to start my Christmas shopping. Now in past years, I've never been able to do that; but, because of my perseverance over the money and saving it any way possible its allowing us to be so much more comfortable! I love knowing I can provide for my family on the smallest budget possible. If I would have still been working I would have never done that. I never had time to sit down and look for deals and coupons and apply them to store sales. I've gotten so many things for under a dollar or free its unbelievable. For example, just recently I bought 33 items, breaking it down from the total I spent $0.37 per item and there were 4 packs of diapers in the mix.

Right now, we are planning for a VERY busy October and I'm trying to decide if I want to host a coupon class. Its been in the works and talks for a few weeks now and I know people would utilize it in my area. We are a deprived area and I know people would benefit. So that's possibly something to come in coming weeks.

For now, I'm enjoying being a wonderful wife to my husband and the best mother I can be. I will continue to flourish in my duties of a housewife and soccer mom!

It's official...

I'm a soccer mom! I have to say its pretty invigorating to know that I'm in a place in my life where I'm finally happy. For so many years, I felt lost and that I didn't know what I wanted to do with my life. I first was in school for psychology which I loved but I'm not sure if I loved the classes or the friends and partying. Then I went to school to be an LPN, where I thought I was happy for a while. I enjoyed helping people learn to walk again as a rehab nurse. But something inside me still wasn't happy. I always had mommy guilt for going to work, I always dreaded going to work. I was mean and grouchy all the time because I just wasn't happy.

Finally, when I quit listening to what every one else wanted me to be, I listened to myself, and became a stay at home mom. I couldn't be happier to be where I'm at right now in this moment. My kids are happier, my husband is happier and my home is happier. Isn't that old saying, "if mamma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy"? Well I think that's true. My unhappiness was rubbing off on everyone around me, especially my husband. We had a VERY difficult first couple of years and I honestly think some of it had to do with the fact that I was unhappy and there wasn't anything he could do about it.

I've known for a while now that I've been happy being home but it wasn't until I was at my son's soccer game that I finally realized I'm not just happy to be where I am, I am ecstatic to be where I am. People are still trying to adjust that no matter what they tell me or my husband that this is the decision we have made and we are happy with it. So what we are down to one car? Where do I have to be anyway! I'm able to now be at EVERY event that goes on in my childrens lives and that is the single most important thing to me right now. So as I live my happy life right where I am and raise my children correctly and the way they should be raised, I say to all those that may be reading this- don't let anything or anyone stand in the way of your true happiness! I'm PROUD to be a soccer mom! I couldn't possibly have a better title in life!! Now to finish the image with a van... That's next years project!

First Day of School

So today was the first day of school, why is that so important? Because it was my oldest son's first day of KINDERGARTEN! I was good though and I didn't cry, got choked up but didn't cry. My youngest son was crying more than I did. He wasn't happy that his brother was going somewhere and he wasn't. He couldn't quite understand it. My oldest son on the other hand was so extremely excited to go to "the big school on the hill".

For me, him going to kindergarten is kind of bitter sweet. I'm so excited that he is growing up and turning into quite the young man but I miss my little guy. I miss the time that he was 2 and figured out how to operate the VCR. I miss the time that he learned his ABC's and was so proud of himself for doing so. I miss him just being little and needing mommy. Granted, he still does need his mommy but for different things now. He needs mommy to tie his shoes. He needs mommy to get him a drink. He needs mommy to make him a special sandwich. But he doesn't need mommy to get him dressed. He doesn't need mommy to brush his teeth. He is such an independent little bugger and doesn't like to lose. He loves to learn and to read and enjoys going to new places.

This experience has taught me that they truly grow up way too fast. I sat back today as I was making him a nice hot breakfast before school and was thinking to myself that these young years will pass me by if I don't slow down and pay attention. I am so grateful to be given the opportunity to be able to be home with my children and "watch" them grow up compared to many that are out there and don't have that choice. I'm grateful to my husband who is willing to work long hours just so I can stay home. I'm grateful for the Man upstairs who has shown me my path in life and has helped me walk it. I love my life right now and even though this may be a small milestone to some, it is a huge milestone to me. It makes me realize they don't stay small forever. When he steps out into the big, big world I have confidence I have taught him well. For now, this is the path of Mamma's Journey.

My life applying FW

So as most of you already know I have been reading, studying and applying the teachings of Fascinating Womanhood and as most of you have already read I have had some difficulties with it. Now as a background for those that don't know FW was written somewhere around 1965 and has some old fashioned beliefs but the basis of what she is trying to get through to you still holds true today. The principle of being a good wife is still there.

Over the past week or so, I have applied more and more teachings to my every day life with my husband and I have started to see a change. My husband is finally happy to come home because he knows he won't walk into instant bitching and complaining. My husband finally feels at peace when he comes home to a spotless clean home and nice cold drink waiting for him. I don't call him during the day anymore just to whine about how horrible my day is just stressing him out more. I wait until I'm calm and then I will talk to him. If he calls me when I'm in the middle of something I calmly ask if I can call him back. My children are even noticing the difference in mommy and have calmed down quite a bit themselves. It is in my heart to be a wonderful wife and mother and I feel it is my calling to stay at home where I feel that I should be, it is my place to be at home. I'm growing as a person and realizing that my husband isn't a punching bag for when I'm having a bad day. What can he do about it? He's at work. I have also decided that it is high time he takes over as the head of the household. He's the breadwinner now, not me. He's the one working hard out in the workforce so that me and the children can have what we have, not me. I do however, still have some say in larger decisions but ultimately it is up to him and what he feels is best for this family.

I have also rendered my power over the money to him as of the end of September. He has willingly said he will take this part of the household back as I had taken it away from him with thoughts expressed that he couldn't do it. The ironic and funny thing about that statement is he's better in math than I am, always has been. I will have some part of the finances and still be part of some of the financial decisions but the bill paying is up to him. I'm done having that burden on me on top of everything else I need to worry about. I was becoming too stressed over the bills and he was coming home in luxury not worrying about a thing. He has never known how much I have had to pinch pennies in the past, he has never known the worry and powerlessness I have felt over money in the past. He willingly admits that he never worried about the money, he would make it, bring it home and then not worry about it. Worrying was always my job. Well not anymore. I think this move is for the better and I can't wait to relinquish that to him.

Fascinating Womanhood Update

As most of you know who read my blog regularly I have been reading and trying to implement the teachings of Fascinating Womanhood. And right now, I feel that I am failing miserably. In the book it teaches you to accept your husband at face value, which I have. It teaches you to basically keep your mouth shut to your husband about certain things, this I have not. I'm typically a very outspoken person to begin with so to keep my mouth shut about certain things is very hard for me. I have griped to my husband about things that I probably shouldn't gripe about and I've attacked him in ways I should have kept my mouth shut.

I'm slowly learning how he reacts to different ways that I approach him about stuff. Like today, we started to have a very rough day because I wasn't in a very good mood and well it rubbed off in how I spoke to him. Instead of being the loving wife doing my loving duty as a wife I was livid and just downright mean. Of course my husband didn't respond well to this and part of it is probably because I attacked his manhood somehow. In what way I'm totally not sure but I'm sure I did. Instead of compliments and acceptance I was giving dirty remarks and nonacceptance. Which is totally against what the book tries to teach you about. So I will press on and continue to read the book. Maybe there will be some more tidbits in there about how to keep my mouth shut when it needs to be shut. I did however make sure my husband knows that I appreciate everything he does for this family and I don't resent him at all for anything. I could tell in his eyes he appreciated what I said and was happy to hear it. Unfortunately, it was probably the ONLY thing I said all day to this affect. So onward with the book, we will see what else it entails.

Fascinating Womanhood

So I went online in the forums one day and asked if anyone would be willing to part with their book Fascinating Womanhood. I got lucky and one woman said she would be happy to send it to me as she didn't care for the book anyway. So she sent it on its little way.

I received it a few days ago and have been reading it ever since. I really enjoy it! I mean you have to remember the book was written back in 1975 but the principles are still there. She makes a lot of valid points and I've realized in reading it a lot of MY faults, not my husbands faults. A lot of things that I have been doing to sabotage my own relationship.

Funny thing is, I applied some of her principles already to my life and things have already started to change. Normally, I will call my husband on his cell phone and automatically start harping on him about something either he didn't do or something the children were doing at the time. I have since then tried to stop doing that. Amazingly, the one day he forgot to take the trash out. I didn't say anything about it all day and I never said a word when he got home. BUT, one of the first things he did when he got home was take the trash out that I asked him to do that morning. Now, why is this so significant? Because generally if I would have harped on my husband about it and he either a) would have cocked an attitude about it or b) the trash would have sat there longer until we fought about it.

I've realized even though everyone tells you these things, that I need to accept who my husband is at face value. There is a reason I married him and didn't want to change him then so why should I want to change him now? When thought about, it doesn't make a whole lot of sense. I have decided to accept my husband at face value with all of his faults. Don't get me wrong, he's not like drowning in faults but everyone has faults and weaknesses and the faster I can accept my husbands instead of fighting with him about it the sooner we can move forward to a better marriage. Now its not to say, if he starts to do something that is completely against our values and morals as a family that I won't speak up but I have to realize that HE is the breadwinner now. HE is the provider for this family right now as he should be. And I have to realize that after a VERY long day at work he just doesn't want to hear about my "horrible" day. Now that's not say he doesn't want to hear about my day at all but he doesn't want to hear it the first second he walks through the door. When he's ready to hear about my day, he will ask.

I know it sounds like I"m becoming this passive woman. No that's not it at all, I'm just choosing when I open my mouth more carefully as to keep my husband happy. I'm learning my position in this world and that is to be a phenomenal wife and mother. Slowly, I'm learning just how to do that!

My life in July

I've had an extremely busy and trying month. It was constant running in July. I barely had time to breath let alone anything else. We had a surprise 30th birthday party for my brother in law which took a lot of time and money to put together. Then we decided last minute to take the kids to the zoo, which was fun but tiring. We had a vehicle break down on us at least twice and is now out of commission. We are currently contemplating the idea of turning it in for scrap. The extra couple hundred dollars would be nice. Then at the end of July we decided to take a trip to VA. The trip was absolutely beautiful and so much fun. We had an absolute blast for the week. The kids had so much fun they are now bored out of their mind! We have also decided to possibly move through with moving down there. We absolutely love the area, we'd be close to my husbands brother which is what he's always wanted and we would finally be out of PA which is what I've always wanted. There are jobs down there its just a matter of Shawn getting his EMT-B certification in the Commonwealth of VA. From the research we have done it doesn't seem like it would be too difficult to do just time consuming. Which right now all we have is time. With Zaine starting Kindergarten this year we are in no hurry to move during the school year unless we have to. Now, if we could just get on track for August!

Kids and bedtime

How come children insist on putting up a fight to go to bed when you can plainly see that they are exhausted!? It is one of those battles that I will never understand.

As a child I can remember whining that I wanted to stay up for another hour, but never do I remember putting up a screaming fight before bed! I remember all the excuses- can I have a drink of water, I need to brush my teeth, I have to pee, my favorite show is on. The excuses were endless when it came to bed time.

My kids are relentless when it comes to bedtime! It's at least an hours worth of fighting for them to finally tucker out from pure exhaustion. I have tried so many routines and ways to make bedtime easier and it just doesn't seem to be getting any easier. The kids know the routine but yet somehow they always try to wriggle out more. I'm dreading for the school year to begin and to get on some sort of scheduled time for bed. I honestly think its going to be pure hell!

Come to think of it, its probably partly my fault as in the summertime I do let the bedtime slide a little. I don't think its fair to send a kid to bed when its still daylight out. Something about that just doesn't seem right. So a later bedtime ensues. School is in a little over a month and I pray the transition goes smoothly. But for now, the endless bedtime routine of screaming and fighting continues.